The Last Laugh Read online

sighed. "Come on then."

  "Where are we going?"

  "To visit an old friend..."

  "You're either a very brave man, Detective Nickel, or you possess a rare talent for ineptitude that exceeds even my powers of comprehension."

  I smiled at the DA. "That's me, always doing the dumb thing - which reminds me..."

  I pulled out the plastic flower he'd tried to fix me up with and threw it on his desk.

  Mellinsky's face went crimson. He looked up, noticing Miss Parrish for the first time. "Leave us, Leslie."

  "I don't think so. The way things are going I'm not going to be on the payroll much longer, so I think I'll stick around and enjoy the show."

  Mellinsky stood up. "This is intolerable! Have you both forgotten who I am?"

  "Funny you should say that, Mellinksy. As it happens my memory has gone a bit fuzzy lately. For a minute or two back there I was starting to think your name was actually Mr Rice."

  As soon as Mellinksy heard the name he lost his voice, so I carried on. "You might have managed to get to French before he could talk, but he still told us what we needed to know. In case that wasn't enough we've also got a barman who reckons he was ordered by one Mr Rice to slip something lethal into French's drink. I guess that's two people to take off your Christmas list."

  The DA sank back into his chair. "Ludicrous... you've got nothing to connect me to any of this..."

  "You don't think so?" Miss Parrish countered smartly, holding up the black book. "You must have forgotten that I'm the one who administers all your telephone accounts. Frank's phone book here has an number for Mr Rice... which connects to one of your private lines."

  "This is... meaningless!"

  It was my turn again. I held up the photo of the Giggles Brigade that had started the whole business. "When I saw your name on this I figured it meant someone wanted you to see it. I was only half right."

  I pulled out a second copy of the same shot, shaking it to make it got Mellinsky's attention. "This one came out of French's book there - I'm guessing it was his insurance, for all the good it did him - still, it gave us the name of clown number four: Daniel Rice. Now the only thing I can't figure out is whether that was your real name or your stage name?"

  Suddenly Mellinsky was standing there with a gun in his hand, he must have been hiding the piece in his desk. "Whatever my name is or isn't I can assure you this gun is perfectly real."

  I didn't doubt it. "You're not gonna get out of this one by shooting us."

  "You don't think so? A desperate cop on the run breaks into my office, in collusion with a secretary who'll sell me out for a few nights of rough love?"

  Miss Parrish snorted: "I resent that! It would take at least a week for me to sell out."

  "Oh, it's a classic tale of dark love and twisted revenge - I could retire on the movie rights alone! Who wouldn't believe me if I shot you both and claimed self defence?"

  It wasn't a bad story, in fact I kinda wished I'd thought of it myself.

  Mellinsky cocked the gun and grinned. "So, Nickel, any last words?"

  "You almost made it work, didn't you?"

  He paused. "What do you mean?"

  "That raid earlier this evening, on your orders, it was a cover up wasn't it? Frame got deperate and sold a bunch of his stuff on the black market, then remembered that half of it could lead right back to you. He called on French for help and French called you. We were supposed to go down there and clean the place out, instead this dumb cop stumbled across exactly the thing you were trying to make sure no one ever saw."

  Mellinsky twisted his face into a smile. "I did what I should have done years ago: I cleaned up my past. Frame got sloppy, French couldn't be trusted, so I took them out, just like I'm going to take you out - "

  "Drop it Mellinksy!" a voice suddenly barked from behind me. I turned round and saw MacLane standing there, his gun trained squarely on the DA. This was one tip off he'd decided to deal with personally.

  It happened quickly after that. Mellinsky tensed. I threw myself to the floor, taking Miss Parrish down with me. MacLane darted to the side just as the DA fired, then returned the favour, putting a bullet in Mellinksy's gun arm. I grabbed the gun as soon as it dropped, but Mellinksy didn't even try for it. He just sank to his chair, clutching the bleeding hole in his right arm.

  It was quiet for a moment, then we heard a high pitched whine: "They never laughed... I tried so hard, just to make them laugh... they laughed at all the others... they never laughed at me..."

  Miss Parrish shook her head. "So you thought you'd get rid of all clowns, just because you sucked as one?"

  "So many clowns... each one like a knife in my heart... I had to get rid of them, all of them..."

  MacLane walked over with the cuffs. "Okay, Mellinksy, you can spill the rest back at the station. And if you don't start talking we'll start with the custard pies."

  As he led the DA out, MacLane stopped and nodded at me: "Good work, Nickel."

  "So how about it -you gonna call off the dogs now?"

  He pushed Mellinksy out of the door. "I'll get around to it - I've got a case to file first."

  Miss Parrish grinned at me. "A guy like you could get into trouble in a town like this..."

  "I could say the same of you."

  "I seem to remember you owe me a drink, Nickel."

  I never liked it when people called in their debts. "That was tomorrow night."

  She shook her head. "It is tomorrow, remember? And it's still nighttime. How about it?"

  I looked at her. She wasn't going to give up easily and figured I could use a drink or ten so I walked her to the door.

  "Sure, why not. What's the worst that could happen?"

  -- the end --